On The Way To Happy

I’ve mentioned this before, yet I’m compelled to again make mention of the one greatest resource I have found to comfort me during some of the most trying times I have ever faced on my own. I am an extremely devout spiritual woman, although very private about my beliefs. My certainty of God’s grace in my life has never been up for a challenge or a debate, therefore I find I rarely speak about my faith. But on occasion, I find myself feeling so utterly alone, even knowing God is with me. At times, I worry what will become of me. I worry about my future career and retirement. I obsess about figuring out all of the unknowns in my life because I have rarely found myself in the awkward space of not having a plan. I filed for divorce without a plan in hand except for knowing I no longer wanted to be married to my husband. What allowed me to do what was necessary at the time was my faith. All I knew that would provide comfort for me, was to consider my faith and how that faith ensured that no matter what, I would be well.

The prior week personally, had been incredibly harrowing. I completely misunderstood some very important cues in my life. Cues I misread infinitely, leaving me in uneasy territory and plainly very, very sad. I’m usually so perceptive sensing others intentions. This was not a week where I could find comfort in that instinct.

Today, however, I was graced with several external cues to the reality that I am embraced by the comfort of knowing that everything will be fine, somehow. I have been working on my writing portfolio and my blog and as I often do, I had the TV faintly running in the background of my work room. What I thought I felt, understood and planned last week was completely incorrect. I was shaken by the fact that I’m not often 180 degrees off from my impressions. But this week, I couldn’t have been more misguided. What threw me for a loop most, was the fact that I have based many of my hopes and dreams on these impressions for months. But I was wrong. And I have grieved deeply. Grieved like I cannot recall, even deeper than when my ex walked out the door.

My TV played “The Single Man” in the background catching my attention from time to time. In particular, my ears zoned in during a particular scene toward the end of Colin Firth’s final scene, suffering a heart attack, when he eloquently orates in the background that “everything in the end is precisely how, it is to be.” Those words struck me with such mercy as soon as they were so sweetly uttered. No matter the disappointment of sitting near William Tecumseh Sherman’s monument in Central Park and realizing I was not going to get my chance here, I was now granted the calm and touch of God’s hand on my shoulder comforting me a mere 48 hours later. How I needed that grace and comfort.

As well, moments later, I felt an urge to check my email. Here was where I found my DailyOM waiting in my inbox. The reminder was loud and clear. A message for me to trust the universe. Which means for me to allow my life to unfold as God has planned. Of course, how true. I will have the career I desire, even if it is a rough ride or if I have set-backs, I will find my place in this world. All will work out no matter how much I worry or mourn. The relationships I seek will develop and come to light in God’s time and precisely when it is time for me to accept and appreciate. And I will live the life I have envisioned, yet I need to allow the space for my life to present itself to me. I feel peace tonight and I am blessed. Feel free to share with me your moments when you felt you were compelled to listen to God’s message. In the meantime, Happy Memorial Day to all of those who have sacrificed so much. God, or the universe or whomever you turn to in your daily life, sure has blessed us.

daily om