On The Way To Happy

While the sun is now shining and prom is a memory for my young girlie, it is a reminder that no matter how awful a circumstance in one’s life is or becomes at a given time, life goes on. In less than a week and with more than 300 people dead in our surrounding community due to the record-breaking tornadoes that spun around our valleys and mountains, life appears to be going on as if nothing ever disrupted our days. School for my daughter is back in session. Fund raisers are currently the hot topic, raising monies to help the devastated areas surrounding Georgia, Tennessee and Alabama where I currently reside. People are laughing and strolling along the avenues soaking in the sun, as if life is and has always been, fabulous. And truly, I guess it is fabulous.

Life has its challenges, but all around each sticky circumstance, is the good life we are living at any given moment. I’ve previously mentioned the compliments I continually receive regarding my nearly grown children. And agreed, they are extremely special and wonderful. It was my therapist who encouraged me to write this blog on raising great children renaissance style. But, before I begin discussing anything regarding my kids, one must first understand that they have lived a very charmed life, both of them. Charmed in that they have two parents that love them with every ounce of their beings. They’ve lived abroad as expatriates, they’ve never known hunger pains from lack of nutrients, or wondered if they would have a roof over their heads. But they have had their fair share of set-backs, disappointments, scares and quandaries. We’ve introduced T, my daughter with prom, so now we’ll delve into R, or “the boy” as I have always called him. Upon meeting the boy, one notices his gorgeous, chiseled face and physique. After speaking to him for a few minutes, it’s obvious he’s smart and driven. He will graduate with a BS from a demanding university after only attending for 2 and a half years, a degree that normally takes students 4 and a half years to complete. He is a passionate musician, but fears being a poor musician, hence why he decided to find a degree in the music industry to allow him to move about without starving and still being able to life and breathe in the industry he so loves.

One never notices the sadness that lurks beneath his eyes. Few have ever known his greatest defeats and disappointments. Because he is from a family with means, his ailments were rarely a big deal. So many nights when he would awaken with screams from chronic pain, tears streaming down his sweet, sweaty ten-year old cheeks, few friends of mine or his, even seemed to notice that he was any different from any of the other kids. Yet he was a child suffering from agonizing acute pain from hip dysplasia. He couldn’t get through a night without prescribed narcotics and excruciating pain. But, he lived this life for nearly two years without the sympathy of classmates, teachers or parents. Most nights, my heart broke. Over the years, I witnessed a happy, team-builder type kid slowly morph into a sad, bitter and frustrated child. Pain changes the neuro pathways in the immature brain. R still has many of the side-effects from dealing with the level of pain he experienced as a young boy. It is now who he is as a young man.

He survived the surgery to break his hip in three areas of the pelvis’ radius and he was amazingly successful getting around school and our home in his body cast. A wheelchair and a plastic traveling urinal were his closest friends in fifth grade. Watching kids run past him, forgetting how navigating the elevator and hallways was difficult to traverse alone. But, he rarely complained, he just seemed to take notes. So although he is not known as a social frat guy now, or a politically correct man, he is a motivated, smart and independent young man. A young man who would help a grieving friend, a peer that was trying to come to grips with possibly being gay and worried about how others would deal with it, and he is now a man who would give any human a chance as long as he/she was willing to work hard. He is similar to the typography that surrounds the area in which I live currently. The sun in his heart beams brightly while the ruins in various corners of our neighborhoods resemble his past pains of physical debilitation and the ignorance of his friends from long ago that forgot to consider him at the end of a school day when the bell would ring. Thankfully, most of us end our day here in the midst of the rays of sun and remember there are many who are hurting right now. We don’t run past those who are potentially hurting. As we may have the money or time to help someone in crisis. Even if at times, others have not been there for us or realized maybe we could have used more love and support.