Emerson wrote, of what defines success and I was reminded today. Reading a passage on a friend’s Facebook favorite quotes, has me thinking and pondering friendship. So often when one faces the death of a marriage, so too, we are often forced to evaluate every aspect of life, including friendships. Recently, I was told by a casual friend, whom I admire, that I select friends poorly.
I was to meet one of those poorly chosen friends in the former category at a recent event. I had access to tickets to the event from a philanthropic board on which I serve. I thought it a thoughtful gesture, to my not-for-profit and toward my friends to skip standing in line to buy tickets. We had all agreed and everyone was given the name of the fund to best make their checks payable. The day before the event, I’m sitting with said friend, when she receives a phone call. It’s another of the friends buying tickets. I don’t think anyone realizes I can hear the conversation, as is so often the case with cell phone calls, but I can hear every word. There is a discussion taking place on the other end asking about the tickets I’ve arranged and the answers from my friend before me is one of, “I can’t really talk comfortably, she’s right here with me.” It was as if there was something awry about the tickets, when all I want to do, was sell them for my favorite not-for-profit and help my “friends.”
Not only did the friend on the other end of the phone, ignore that we had agreed to the ticket arrangement, but not one of these friends ended up contacting me about the event as the hours ticked closer. There I was, on the evening of the event waiting. I ended up walking to the venue alone, with two tickets left outstanding. Once inside the event, I ran into the phone-caller friend, who now I think I can call “acquaintance.” There was no apology for stranding me with her tickets nor no excuse why she did not call me regarding a time and place to meet, as we previously discussed. She simply quizzed me on how I obtained the tickets. Almost like I was going to benefit from selling them. She asked me if I saw our other friend and her date. I looked at her with a bit of a blank stare. My eyes began to squint because from within, I was screaming because the answer was, no I had not heard from her and I’m sick to death of friends like these. I think my face told the whole story and she bolted fairly quickly.
Divorce creates either a new slew of friends for the “about to be divorced girl” or a bit of isolation, depending on where we each find ourselves emotionally. I have been much more introspective which has caused me to close off many in my “old” world. However, I think it’s because I have realized that the casual friend of my first paragraph was absolutely correct. I have selected, for the most part, horrible friend material. (To my fantastic friends of years- you are not included in this topic). So, my new journey before me entails seeking true friends in this second half of life. I am a good friend and by damn, I deserve to have a friend as decent as I try to be to others. No more friends that like my decorating tastes, only interested to tap me for my resources gratis, when that has been my only resource for income over the past year. No more friends that pretend to support me, only to judge me and wait until there’s an audience to make a private decision I’ve made, a topic of discussion regarding its morality. No more “friends” that enjoy bashing me publicly within a group of women, regarding those choices of mine.
So this journey on rediscovering Happy, the girl of yesteryear, will be about seeking the answers for interviewing all candidates for the role of, true friend. I’m hopeful but the work it will require and the trust of heart will yet again be tested, but I have nothing to lose. The friends I have had over the years still remain dear and steadfast, most from my childhood and young adulthood and thank goodness for them. However, I’m a gypsy girl and I change addresses and city’s so often, I need some good local friends where I currently reside; join me as I make this pilgrimage. At least it will be good for some “oh no she ‘di’n’t'” and likely a few jaw dropping gasps.
Briefly, in closing I attached a link to my favorite daily meditation resource, Daily OM. I hope others enjoy it. I utilize almost every ounce of material I receive from my Daily OM. It’s been an inspiration for me for years. I recently bought a book of Daily OM’s and enjoy it, as well. Let me know what you think.
On The Way To Happy 
Hey there. Well, I have reached the last post of your project and have to say that I am glad that I stuck with it. This last entry is an excellent portrayal of the division from married “reality” and newy single “reality.”
Is it just me? Or do we WAKE up and find aspects of our ex’s in our friends. Horrifying! Maybe we don’t all Wake UP!
But let me tell you this, you illuminate the process and this is expecially good for me, because I tend to forget the stressful stuff. And that isn’t good because there are treasure troves of hard earned lessons in there.
By the way, to your previous post, I was the fool on April 1. You could have posted anyway!
Hear hear to being a great mom! No nobler work in the world! Read ya’ next time. I subscribed to you! Best!!
I find your article reminiscent of many experiences in my own life. Being a good friend, unfortunately, does not guarantee true friendship from others. It is sometimes difficult to evaluate whether a person is a true friend, but if you can hold back your emotional investment until you see their ations in many different situations, you can more easily store acquaintances in that category while likely finding only a very few true friends to put in your heart as Friends. You have expressed your issue very well and I feel you will be successful in your “journey”
I had friends try to “help” me. How ? By an organized flashmob at the ywca. Then when i took umbrage with the methodology? Hen pecked on the other extreme by being called a jezabel and run out of church.
I got held in jail forty (plus) days without charges. All the folks in there? Really religious overtones then called incompetent. That perhaps for some folks to save face.
On Facebook I had the step 123 and had my identity stolen, emails hacked into and dating sites got to be called s filtered. I was a sponsored story on Facebook.
I’m not perfect certainly but don’t like being photographed. Let me weigh in on this. A woman’s worth isn’t determined by others perceptions. I’m over weight but don’t by into the idea that looking like a woman (complete with granny flab arms) makes one less desirable. Like being desirable to a guy (or woman) is the end all and be all of lIfe?
If I get into shape or do anything that is because I love life. I sing and dance a little bit and am ok looking. Now finally it’s public that millions of people had their profiles tampered with.
I was called “visionary” on LinkedIn. Ironically my sister’s pic photoshopped comes up under my name. Why?
Ego and hoodlum mentalities is why. She’s clueless I’ve researched. It’s easy to hijack someone’s identity. Send messages in thier name.
I live in the area that fast company magazine exposed as being influenced by GoogleX. N.Y. humor perhaps what of human dignity? Now all my emails and social media are used for a practical joke scenario.
My family matters to me and I’m a mature woman. Starting over it’s hard enough without ones life (phone and everything hijacked. Maybe you blogger are in a virtual prison now for thinking independently. Maybe your project what so screwed with my life.
Perhaps it’s you. Whomever obsessed over my life? I’m thankful on some levels. Outraged on the invasion of privacy but very thankful. Working on the happy thing its funny. How people justify social experiments then try to cover up when they screw up. Hope you’re My ok.
I’m still working on my starting over scenario. My concern the safety of my children. My Facebook page redirects I think to California (maybe Facebook itself I’ve had four) and five years of harassment. I’m homeless due to bad timing and misunderstandings I guess.
I’m not hopeless and emerging tech? I had somebody from unity lifehack lifestyle mess with me.
On my birthday someone sent me a guy for my birthday with a woman hired to figure out what type of guy i like. STILL I have guys hired to seduce me. It’s creepy how about a guy that’s not fake? Soooo elusive reflection steals my works to profit from my insights. Me I’m hidden virtually and purposefully sidetracked. Why all lives are entertainment?
I’m not into putting another notch on my lipstick case. I have a sense of humor and jumping through hoops never been into it. Asking dumb questions is kind of my thing though. I guess. I’m blonde now and nope I don’t dye it but I used to have hair like wonder woman.
We’re ALL wonder women! I was invited to join an elite group. Catch22 was I had to go through this stupid gauntlet of techie games. The over fifty pretty nifty let’s teach a woman to do as told thing? Bullies do prosper but no man EVER has been in charge of any woman. Being nice isn’t a weakness. Your blog is outdated probably because you thought independently. Did the crew from “that man is you” group stalk and decide to teach you to be nice too?