Can I Order 4 More Hours Each Day?

16 01 2012

Whoever said looking for a full-time job, is a full-time job, was more than merely insightful. But, if that were the biggest hurdle one faced, it would still leave some time during a day to devote to other responsibilities in life. I’m not whining so please don’t write to me reminding me how fortunate I am because I fully realize I am blessed. Finding “me time” is non-existent; I, like many of you, faced that conclusion long ago after having a baby while juggling a full-time job and a young marriage. I think it’s the constant reminders of how we aren’t getting enough accomplished in a day. I’m struggling to find time to fit all the guilt-guru’s lists of necessary to-do’s into each day.

For instance, we are told by fitness experts and our physicians that we must make time to workout. Does anyone ever really do the math on real exercise regimens? We have to find the time to organize our bills, clean, repair and launder clothes, nurture friendships, care for our children, communicate with our parents, take care of the cars, pets, volunteer jobs, church obligations, along with the recycling (I have to drive mine to the recycling center), cooking, grocery shopping, and the list goes on-and-on. We are told by nutritionists we must eat properly, so fast food is not the answer very often. We are directed to make time for ourselves and the experts prattle on about all of the important, yet neglected jobs we need to inject into our days. It’s enough to make the most tireless, hard-working girl, go to bed with her button-down shirt and skirt on, just to avoid needing the time to change clothes in the morning.

For my contemporaries, there are not enough hours in any given day. And the good news is, my generation who are at the tail-end of the Baby Boomers, gets to work more years in order to retire with the new government guidelines being discussed around the globe. So instead of feeling like a failure, as I have been beating myself up for the past four months, I am going to relish the fact that I am doing fairly well with all that I accomplish in a given day and concentrate on what I have achieved in a day, versus worrying and rescheduling every minute detail of what items on my to-do, were not fulfilled.

I’m setting up a star sheet, similar to what teacher’s and parent’s created so we could earn stickers for all the completed tasks in school. I work out almost every day and combine it with exercising my- regretful purchase of a- puppy, although she is really a worthy dog. The mental star reward for that completion will be two stars because I’d rather scrub toilets than exercise myself, let alone a dog. Cooking a meal, cleaning everything completely afterward and leaving the kitchen in pristine shape will garner two stars, as well. One, if I only cook and partially clean because, hey, it’s still doing something fairly amazing in this day and age. So, with the new year already well under way, I’m backing off my person just a little. A few accomplishment star stickers equals time to do something for Happy. Maybe I’ll learn the skill of being a little easier on myself. And because I cannot order more hours on a given day, I’ll have to settle for neglecting something important without remorse and reward myself with something pleasurable.  However, I would like to actually be able to stay awake long enough to read a full chapter in my Kindle before la-la land seduces me. I’d hate to wake up and feel I had failed reading my Garden and Gun magazine.  Do those earned stars carry over? Let’s say yes they do.





One More Thing….

8 09 2011

The worst part of not writing lately, is missing something important. A question was asked that I felt compelled to answer in a formal post. The question was posed from reader Ron as follows:

“When you first considered dating after being married for 22 years, did you feel like you were being unfaithful? Was it weird? Have you made the shift emotionally from being part of a couple to being single? Or, is it a work in progress still?”

What a question. Anyone faced with this question knows the daunting reality of trying to answer it. I know this person asking is also somewhere similar to where I have been, and it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry that anyone has to endure this kind of hurt. Even if one is certain that ending the marriage contract is essential to a better life in the end; It hurts no less. Even those of you who have not faced divorce but have struggled to make a marriage enriching for both you and your partner by being sensitive to each one’s needs, most partners have imagined the fear of facing life wondering if you would make a mistake by ending it or the overwhelming consideration of finding a new life, possibly alone. So, I’ll do my best to answer these questions posed and hope that others with various perspectives will chime in as well.

I never felt unfaithful when beginning the dating process. I guess because we, my ex and I, battled so fiercely toward the end, that we left no doubt we were exhausted and ready to move forward. I think the biggest struggle with beginning the dating process is the fact that I found myself that I had not opened myself up to perfect strangers in a long time. Vulnerable and raw is how I felt and currently still feel. In addition, intimacy seems to move a bit faster. Why? Maybe because most of the characters involved have come from marriages where intimacy was a frequent given. That’s my take on the subject.

So I would lay awake at night after meeting someone interesting and worry myself sick about concerns, questions and uncertainty. Is this new candidate for real? Is he a murderer in a past life and has changed his identity? Is he a player and feeding you all the BS you’ve wanted to hear for the past decade? So many fears, thus creating so much doubt in one’s self. It’s still a struggle I face every time I find someone attractive and consider whether or not I want to take the opportunity  to know that particular person. So, no, I didn’t ever feel unfaithful. Quite the opposite. But weird? Yes. And that aspect has not gone away. I pray often to find an old friend, one of whom I always respected and felt fondly toward, one who might stumble across me and consider a possible relationship. Or at least a chapter in life of fun, monogamy and laughter along with a few of the normal ickies in life.

And finally, the last part of the question series is do I feel single or do I struggle? This too, is complicated for me. I cannot give a definite answer to one or the other. Some days I awake so happy I am single, young, free, healthy and alive. I am ready to tear the world up and sell my writing. Contented knowing that Mr. Almost-Perfect may be right around the next bend. But I have almost as many days where I awake and quickly close my eyes and begin praying that God will help me get out of bed and find the strength to go frolic in the land of the living when all I feel like doing is dying. I think what keeps this scenario from being so tragic is, I felt the latter so many mornings while still inside my marriage, as I’m sure my ex would have concurred. I think it’s truly just life; some days are easy and others we need help to get going. It’s our job to find our motivation. Mine is God, mediation and a fortunate aptitude to be naturally pretty jolly.

To Ron, I hope this helps. I would highly encourage others to share other thoughts or suggestions, too. Until then, please consider whatever it might be that will give you some kick in your step. I found running again and I now, quite surprisingly, but I really like it. A friend showed me a great place off the asphalt and it is serene, quiet and beautiful. I especially like what the act of running is doing for my body composition. Also, I’m pushing myself to get out and about and learn new sports like trail running, kayaking and mountain biking. What has worked for you to get the courage to join the land of the living? And Ron, anything else from you? I’m sorry, too, Ron for being so absent lately. Thank you for the well wishes and the warm welcome back.





I Don’t Blame Any of You

7 09 2011

I wouldn’t blame anyone for the rolling of eyes. She’s trying to discover who she is, lost from long ago. Yet, she doesn’t even say a word since August. I have some excuses, none very out of the ordinary, but real. I hope I’m forgiven.

After speaking to many bloggers who also write for a living, I find that many only post on their blogs a few weekdays. So, I may try this avenue. I am currently finding that balancing kids, while they are older, still I am trying to make myself available to them and their needs. I had some much-needed vacation time with them both. I had some responsibilities to my daughter to ensure the start of her senior year in high school was as perfect as possible while coinciding with saying goodbye to her best friend with whom she fell madly in love with quite accidentally. He is a darling young man headed out into the scholarly world while she stays back to finish her last year before heading in her own direction. On top of all of these “mom” duties, I have been working on some public relations projects for a large local firm, working on my other business of home management, alongside trying to balance too many bills like so many of us while also trying to keep up my workout commitment and my philanthropic endeavors. So, that’s the bottom line. All is finally settling down and I’m going to shoot for writing Monday, Wednesday, Friday and maybe a bonus day. Besides, I have so much to share.

I’ve just finished a micro sprinkler installation for a client to manage his lush landscape so he can concentrate on his successful firm and also enjoy his garden when he has that tiny window for relaxing. It turned out great and I cannot express adequately how easy the project is to do for anyone that is tired of watering container gardens or pretty flower beds. Currently, I am working on an audio aficionado’s music CD collection. Firstly, organizing his vast collection in alphabetic order and then uploading all his CD’s into Mp3 files and placing them on an external hard drive to beam to the new iTunes Cloud feature. Once that is accomplished, this music lover client of mine will be able to sample his music anywhere and any of his mobile devices or computers. Rock festivals, travels, recipes, controversial opinions and quandaries and so much more. Promise, I’ll get my act together if you’ll hang with me.

The hardest part was forcing myself back onto the keyboard, ‘fessing up, apologizing and then finding the strength to move forward. So, onward!





“Just living is not enough… One must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower.”

2 08 2011

I have finally completed my fourth installation of one of my favorite yard projects. Writing is my love as are all things domestic. My main professional focuses in life pertain to two main topics: communications and matters of the home. When I can create income generation for these particular passions, all the better. Maybe someday I will be able to retire, but likely not anytime too soon. So why worry? I just keep plugging along while I figure out this new life of mine. But I regress.

My favorite new project is installing micro sprinkler systems. Doing so in my own garden last year, prompted me to begin a personal assistant type business for busy professionals. It’s the easiest task, besides dealing with the physical work and heat. Complete it and evaluate it afterward and never am I disappointed. Plus, it actually looks pretty complex in the end, yielding even more joy. For those of you, tired of remembering to water your container plants, consider trekking out to your local Home Depot or Lowe’s and ask where you can find the products made by MISTER LANDSCAPER. The freedom you will derive is sublime, the thrill of achievement is exuberant and the difference it will make in your plants is stunning. Who knew, right?

There’s a DVD for those of you that are visual learners. And it doesn’t matter if you have four plants to nurture or a huge lawn with vast beds. The system works eloquently and efficiently while you go play in the sun. Basically it consists of a timer, a pressure filter and 1/2″ piping with various adapters and sprinkler heads to water your plants with precision. I cannot tell you how much you will enjoy this system. I’m hoping to upload a video how-to soon. That, however, will take the help of two nearly grown children that are more proficient with today’s camera’s. Happy Gardening!





Despite Being Much Too Busy, I Still Find Time To Date. But Should I?

29 07 2011

So while I am crazy trying to figure out my professional writing life while taking care of a house much too large for me, while it is listed to sell and enjoying my final summer with a child in high school, I am finding time to write on my blog such a tough thing to find the time to publish.

I think about it each and every day. I enjoy writing it more than any of the other activities in which I currently participate. But, it is not an income source and that’s currently my focus to chase the almighty dollar. However, I have found time to entertain the thought of being in another relationship. A couple of men I’ve dated have been unsuitable after a few dates. And on occasion, I meet a great person. Yet, as we get more familiar with a new friend, it is always interesting to see what conversations lead to questions or concerns. Middle aged dating is really a crazy maze to navigate. That’s why I posted my poll. I’d love to hear from you all about what your thoughts are on a potential mate commenting on your least favorite body part. I work out diligently and my weight is in the normal range. I receive compliments from friends and acquaintances, yet I have heard from some that I have fat that hangs over the zone near the back closure of my bra.

Seriously? How does someone just offer that when not asked? And furthermore, what woman my age doesn’t have a tiny little bulge around the bra closure in the back? I’ve seen painfully thin women my age and they have this back bulge and I’ve never thought that it was because of excess fat. I have a long way to go to figure out this mature girl phase in life. All it takes is to find time for a few more meditations, affirmations to support my view of my body and maybe communicating to anyone that mentions my stomach pooch or bra bulge that they can go jump in the lake. Am I being too sensitive? Let me know.

One thing is for sure, I’m not letting these comments send me into the depths of depression. Actually, I end up working out harder and imagine that I may be able to turn back the hands of time a little so I can avoid buying the Sassybax bra for as long as possible. Cheers all!





Looking For Richard (It a movie title pun)

5 06 2011

Logo websiteAlmost immediately after my divorce was final, I could feel the giddiness in the pit of my stomach when thinking of the new reawakened world of dating again. I love getting out. I think dating is so much fun. Or at least that’s what I recalled from my youth. I can talk someone’s leg off, hence why I write.

This dating thing, however, is a whole different world today than what I recall from my younger days. I was THAT only girl in my circle of friends who would constantly say, “I love dating!” Even a flop of a date, I thoroughly enjoyed. Enjoyed because I truly liked getting to know others, what makes them tick and the art of listening and laughing was fun. Well, I can officially say that the idea of all that was for the younger girl I once knew. So on the way to find the girl who was lost long ago in a controlling marriage, and a few tough snags since my divorce, the dating game is one activity that will not be a big part of my repertoire. I thought for the last year I wanted to actively find that best friend, but now I just want to sit back and focus on my career path and allow the path of love and or life to unfold before me according to the plan: God’s plan, my belief, or the Universe’s course, whatever you relate to, but the way I am to live this life.

Why the change in the past two decades? I sat down to think in detail and this is what has changed from the Happy girl who was once in her twenties and who has now been bottled and set in the dark atop a shelf for aging and depth development. I suspect my optimal drinking years begin somewhere between 2011-2020, after that I think if I’m still dusty on the shelf, I’ll be past my best friend prime and I’ll focus on philanthropic matters of the heart. Nice wine analogy. But, I adore my red wine. And a wine a little past its prime, still has use, just not to sip for pleasure.

Here’s what I know about the older vintage chick versus the fresh table wine of yesteryear:

* I love being a mate. Best friend. The only other people who would mean as much would be my kids and mother. Post-divorce, many candidates are often jaded, never getting married again and walls are already up before the band ever plays the first song, or potential mates are still living their unsatisfying lives and not able to move on for whatever reason, even though often the reasons are significant and involve children, finances and history. This is not gender specific, plenty of women have the same issues.

*I’m over my divorce. I don’t often want to discuss my ex or spend time on bad blood between us. It’s behind me and I wish him…… peace. Yea, that’s it.

* No longer, do I enjoy the party scene, never was into weed and still don’t want it around me, tired of the scene of indulgence and over-imbibing or talking smack as an entertaining topic on ex’s or ex’s past infractions. I’ve resolved my issues, only a few still exist and I married him. It was good and it was bad. But, I don’t want to spend one-second discussing it publicly when the theme is laughter. There are plenty of real topics to discuss and laughter is my goal. I’ll wait to attend those fun uplifting party’s.

* Because I am an easy person with whom others feel they can talk….I often seem to attract people who are conflicted inside their current relationships. Find me when you’re really ready to reach out. I want to be a comforting, loving best friend. I want be a shoulder on which to lean occasionally, but friends, fix your relationships. Accept them in their current definitions and move forward to begin living with support, happiness and building a new history, sharing passions each day and bringing laughter back into your life. Life is so serious, so why not let go and try to love more by moving on when things can’t be repaired?

A recent study indicates that men struggle at ending a relationship which is unfulfilled. Seriously? Life has too much to offer to suffer terribly for years and years when a partner or both mates will not fix the relationship and provide joy to the other. Love is sacrifice and sometimes painful, but to lose yourself and to be void of essential affection, is death on earth. Value yourself more than to settle and show your children that everyone deserves and needs love, touch and contentment. Besides, there is someone out there wishing you would be theirs. And the love you could gain may change your entire life beyond anything you ever imagined.

But it is so daunting to get to the other side of joy. It’s a one-step at a time struggle. I should be more kind in my delivery.

However, because it’s a jungle out there, I’m staying home. There are other options connecting with available men out in the world. I’ll investigate those options. My list of dreams are simple: I’m seeking huge amounts of joy and great passion with a man who adores me if he exists and I desire to share our hobbies, sports and passions. I’m patient which I guess is a good thing.

Those of you who have navigated these waters, give us newbies some insight. Consider at least, sharing some funny stories or unique prospective thoughts regarding this chapter in life.

So, a stored wine I am to be, between all the prized collectible bottles and vintages perched on the top shelf up high. Until the right aficionado comes along and sees this rare bottle waiting to tickle the palate of those that appreciate the complexities and depth of the Happy girl who once was a delicate, fruity wine out of the barrel, but now has developed a myriad of character, a smooth finish and emits a bright summer, lasting note on the palate.

Dammit, how long on this shelf? Bug-gar! Oh well, I guess I’m still too tannic, quite possibly. It’s not my time.

The affects on children, now let’s really talk.





Keep Breathing

12 05 2011

Logo websiteI keep thinking about Maria Shriver, a dear friend, MP, another long-time friend, JB and countless others who have navigated the uncharted waters of recreating a life at a scary yet exciting phase in life. Transition to finding a new career not just an income or a way to obtain healthcare, but a commitment to finding what it is that is important at a stage in life which is full of change and compliments the experience one has lived to date. Or possibly a new committed relationship or ending one. Some may be considering finally facing a fear or childhood experience that has held a soul hostage. Whatever the transition or redefining topic, change is tough. On the flip-side, it is also extremely exhilarating. I find my current situation somewhat like meeting an attractive man who I’m really interested in pursuing and wondering if he feels the same. I have my dream of publishing my book someday, but will publishers or audiences like what I feel I need to share? Because I don’t know the answers to what I fear, I have decided to continue pursuing my wish.

Why not? Various people around the globe gain exposure or a following for all sorts of reasons. The chances for me to be discovered, or appreciated by like-minded individuals, could occur. Exposure happens to some, so my attitude is “why not me?”

But in those moments of self-doubt, the one thing that has kept me going and I have payed-it forward time and time again, came from a very dear guy friend, AP who said, “Just keep breathing.”

When reading those words in his message to me at the onslaught of my divorce, it brought tears to my eyes because breathing was as difficult as smiling, eating, getting out of bed. One would never guess I was the one who filed for divorce. I know, crazy. The fact was I didn’t want a divorce, yet the troubles inside our marriage were finally nearing a breaking point and the last strategic move I felt I had left, was to ask for a divorce and hope that R would wake up and realize what he would lose, what I would lose, what our children would lose, what was really worth changing and fighting to save. It didn’t happen. Breathing, actually was the basic first step.

Concentrating on my breath led to being able to get out of bed, which led to eating more, and so on and so on. So the key to any scary, uncomfortable, anxiety producing worry, is to simply breathe and keep breathing. Thank you AP, you will never likely know how you’ve helped create the girl I am, the girl I am to become and giving me the strength to find the girl from yesteryear that I really liked so well.





Educated Women- Reaching Out To Other Women

10 05 2011

Wow! My twenty-two year union dissolving was tougher than I had ever imagined. At times, I thought I wouldn’t be able to survive and redefine who I am. But, with time, I have realized, I will.

Today, however, I am humbled and my heart goes out to another. I did not have to announce the break up my marriage in the public eye, as Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger are currently sharing with the world. My “transition” or as I refer to it as a redefining of self, has been the slow progress and development of the writer within due to the encouragement of so many that have pushed me to continue writing. While Maria does not have the same situation in which I find myself, as she is an already proven author, she may however, be struggling like so many of us in our more mature years, in finding a new focus for her life. Time feels more fragile in our 40’s, our 50’s and beyond. We sometimes fret trying to figure out precisely what it is, that is to be and what we want to discard from our self-image from being a partner to a spouse for so long. Time and reflection along with open dialogue are what it takes to hone into what really matters in our heart and nourishes our soul. She, in that respect, is no different from anyone else.

I’m not naive here. I realize and agree that her name recognition may open many doors for her, her previous professional experience is stellar and would likely allow her to consider any of many options that most of us would envy. But understand, she truly is no different from you or me in that she has the heavy burden and obligation to figure out what it is, that she wants to do at this stage in life. Augmenting one’s “title’s” has always been a topic of confusion. We like the rhythm of the way our life flows and we resist change. This is nothing new. But, reaching out and finding support and ideas from others has never been easier due to the internet and social media. Hence, the reason for my blog.

We can all pay a physician to help us or a career counselor to advise us, but often what seems to work best is finding those that have similarly dealt with upheaval, joy and change but did so, gracefully and with great satisfaction. That is why I am blogging. That is why I am here. I have had countless friends, family members, acquaintances, colleagues, professional peers and the like, continuously pushing me to write on how I live my life with the ups and downs I’ve faced, the change that has always defined my life and the manner in which I have always seemed to evolve to be a better person than I was the moment before I embarked on the next issue in life. I think, without sounding arrogant, I have survived remarkably well and am content. But, make no mistake, I am always learning, amending, adding to, deleting, and contemplating various ways in which to handle life’s journey. There are no right or wrong answers when it comes down to the nano particles. Community and experience is what usually works best. How have you faced crisis in your life? Did you ever feel hopeless, scared or lost? Did time and reflection help? It’s an interesting question for this community here.





This is how to find a bit of the old girl!

10 05 2011

What I wouldn’t give to celebrate and relive music of the 80’s with Nina Blackwood. It was just yesterday that so many of us were waiting for M-TV to finally debut a newly released music video of Michael Jackson or Madonna. Time flies. For those of you in or around Las Vegas, all I can say is, “LUCKEEEEEE!” Here’s a link:

http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/fremont-street-experience-hosts-nina-blackwoods-absolutely-80s-summer-121558343.html





Dancin’ With Myself

4 05 2011

God, I know what it is that I miss from my marriage; dancing. Oh, that’s right, we didn’t dance together. I do, however, miss dancing around my house in my own world or dancing in the seat of my car. My daily dancing and singing ceased after my ex moved his office into our home some years previously, a move that was the major reason our marriage was finally pushed to the brink. But, I’ve always been that dancing girl, singing. Music has played the most pivotal role in my life whether I was dealing with loss, happiness, disappointment, victory, love, anger or whatever my mood at any given time. Once my ex was in my space, day and night, my dancing and singing became non-existent. Even my kids recall mornings driving to school, playing particular songs and us all singing them at the top of our lungs. My kids didn’t know it at the time, but it was designed to put them in a good mood at the start of the day. And it seemed to work, singing mornings usually ended once the car doors opened and each child rolled out of the backseat with backpack swinging out and around their shoulders as they smiled and headed into their classrooms.

One of the most important tasks in the journey post divorce is finding the “new” you or sometimes uncovering the old soul. My initial journey led me to consider dance classes. I needed to learn a new dance discipline: I tried belly dancing. It didn’t take but a few lessons for me to realize it wasn’t my thing. Then I saw and ad for lessons to “pole dance”.  I thought about the Housewives of New Jersey last year. The old Cougar ladies trying to swirl around on the pole, actually acting like they were pretty hot looking and I’d bet most people watching just felt sorry for the old gals. The imagery of that episode made me wince. Oh hell no. But, below the pole dancing ad, was a snippet about Burlesque dance. There we go.

I wouldn’t say I’m the most coordinated of dancers after two lessons. And there’s something to say about costumery, my yoga pants and high heels don’t really fit the mood of the music. But, I’m not dancing for a mate or even a potential lover. I’m dancing for me. One of the most liberating things I’ve done in years is attend these dance classes. It’s my little secret. It’s my thing to re-wire my brain into thinking I’m sexy after years of my ex telling me I wasn’t. It time for me to focus on me and feeling youthful. And if I ever need to consider a different career, maybe I could audition for a dance troop entertaining nursing homes.

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