Can I Order 4 More Hours Each Day?

16 01 2012

Whoever said looking for a full-time job, is a full-time job, was more than merely insightful. But, if that were the biggest hurdle one faced, it would still leave some time during a day to devote to other responsibilities in life. I’m not whining so please don’t write to me reminding me how fortunate I am because I fully realize I am blessed. Finding “me time” is non-existent; I, like many of you, faced that conclusion long ago after having a baby while juggling a full-time job and a young marriage. I think it’s the constant reminders of how we aren’t getting enough accomplished in a day. I’m struggling to find time to fit all the guilt-guru’s lists of necessary to-do’s into each day.

For instance, we are told by fitness experts and our physicians that we must make time to workout. Does anyone ever really do the math on real exercise regimens? We have to find the time to organize our bills, clean, repair and launder clothes, nurture friendships, care for our children, communicate with our parents, take care of the cars, pets, volunteer jobs, church obligations, along with the recycling (I have to drive mine to the recycling center), cooking, grocery shopping, and the list goes on-and-on. We are told by nutritionists we must eat properly, so fast food is not the answer very often. We are directed to make time for ourselves and the experts prattle on about all of the important, yet neglected jobs we need to inject into our days. It’s enough to make the most tireless, hard-working girl, go to bed with her button-down shirt and skirt on, just to avoid needing the time to change clothes in the morning.

For my contemporaries, there are not enough hours in any given day. And the good news is, my generation who are at the tail-end of the Baby Boomers, gets to work more years in order to retire with the new government guidelines being discussed around the globe. So instead of feeling like a failure, as I have been beating myself up for the past four months, I am going to relish the fact that I am doing fairly well with all that I accomplish in a given day and concentrate on what I have achieved in a day, versus worrying and rescheduling every minute detail of what items on my to-do, were not fulfilled.

I’m setting up a star sheet, similar to what teacher’s and parent’s created so we could earn stickers for all the completed tasks in school. I work out almost every day and combine it with exercising my- regretful purchase of a- puppy, although she is really a worthy dog. The mental star reward for that completion will be two stars because I’d rather scrub toilets than exercise myself, let alone a dog. Cooking a meal, cleaning everything completely afterward and leaving the kitchen in pristine shape will garner two stars, as well. One, if I only cook and partially clean because, hey, it’s still doing something fairly amazing in this day and age. So, with the new year already well under way, I’m backing off my person just a little. A few accomplishment star stickers equals time to do something for Happy. Maybe I’ll learn the skill of being a little easier on myself. And because I cannot order more hours on a given day, I’ll have to settle for neglecting something important without remorse and reward myself with something pleasurable.  However, I would like to actually be able to stay awake long enough to read a full chapter in my Kindle before la-la land seduces me. I’d hate to wake up and feel I had failed reading my Garden and Gun magazine.  Do those earned stars carry over? Let’s say yes they do.


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Categories : Building a life post divorce, Life Coach, Living a full life

One More Thing….

8 09 2011

The worst part of not writing lately, is missing something important. A question was asked that I felt compelled to answer in a formal post. The question was posed from reader Ron as follows:

“When you first considered dating after being married for 22 years, did you feel like you were being unfaithful? Was it weird? Have you made the shift emotionally from being part of a couple to being single? Or, is it a work in progress still?”

What a question. Anyone faced with this question knows the daunting reality of trying to answer it. I know this person asking is also somewhere similar to where I have been, and it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry that anyone has to endure this kind of hurt. Even if one is certain that ending the marriage contract is essential to a better life in the end; It hurts no less. Even those of you who have not faced divorce but have struggled to make a marriage enriching for both you and your partner by being sensitive to each one’s needs, most partners have imagined the fear of facing life wondering if you would make a mistake by ending it or the overwhelming consideration of finding a new life, possibly alone. So, I’ll do my best to answer these questions posed and hope that others with various perspectives will chime in as well.

I never felt unfaithful when beginning the dating process. I guess because we, my ex and I, battled so fiercely toward the end, that we left no doubt we were exhausted and ready to move forward. I think the biggest struggle with beginning the dating process is the fact that I found myself that I had not opened myself up to perfect strangers in a long time. Vulnerable and raw is how I felt and currently still feel. In addition, intimacy seems to move a bit faster. Why? Maybe because most of the characters involved have come from marriages where intimacy was a frequent given. That’s my take on the subject.

So I would lay awake at night after meeting someone interesting and worry myself sick about concerns, questions and uncertainty. Is this new candidate for real? Is he a murderer in a past life and has changed his identity? Is he a player and feeding you all the BS you’ve wanted to hear for the past decade? So many fears, thus creating so much doubt in one’s self. It’s still a struggle I face every time I find someone attractive and consider whether or not I want to take the opportunity  to know that particular person. So, no, I didn’t ever feel unfaithful. Quite the opposite. But weird? Yes. And that aspect has not gone away. I pray often to find an old friend, one of whom I always respected and felt fondly toward, one who might stumble across me and consider a possible relationship. Or at least a chapter in life of fun, monogamy and laughter along with a few of the normal ickies in life.

And finally, the last part of the question series is do I feel single or do I struggle? This too, is complicated for me. I cannot give a definite answer to one or the other. Some days I awake so happy I am single, young, free, healthy and alive. I am ready to tear the world up and sell my writing. Contented knowing that Mr. Almost-Perfect may be right around the next bend. But I have almost as many days where I awake and quickly close my eyes and begin praying that God will help me get out of bed and find the strength to go frolic in the land of the living when all I feel like doing is dying. I think what keeps this scenario from being so tragic is, I felt the latter so many mornings while still inside my marriage, as I’m sure my ex would have concurred. I think it’s truly just life; some days are easy and others we need help to get going. It’s our job to find our motivation. Mine is God, mediation and a fortunate aptitude to be naturally pretty jolly.

To Ron, I hope this helps. I would highly encourage others to share other thoughts or suggestions, too. Until then, please consider whatever it might be that will give you some kick in your step. I found running again and I now, quite surprisingly, but I really like it. A friend showed me a great place off the asphalt and it is serene, quiet and beautiful. I especially like what the act of running is doing for my body composition. Also, I’m pushing myself to get out and about and learn new sports like trail running, kayaking and mountain biking. What has worked for you to get the courage to join the land of the living? And Ron, anything else from you? I’m sorry, too, Ron for being so absent lately. Thank you for the well wishes and the warm welcome back.


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Categories : Building a life post divorce, Life Coach, Living a full life, The Junk That Fills My Head, Uncategorized

And The British Survey Says….

16 05 2011

Logo websiteA recent survey out of the UK has everyone talking. “Women over 47 should not wear a bikini,” per the survey of over 2000 British women published in the Daily Mail last week. Never mind that I, myself have a few photo’s of myself posted recently in a bikini from spring break this year. If I had only known what a fois pas it was to be sporting a two-piece swimsuit, I would have grabbed my turtleneck.

Recently, Helen Mirren was photographed in a bikini looking pretty smashing and she was 63. I can only imagine how great Demi Moore might look in a tiny bikini this summer and she’s older than me. And the article didn’t stop at bikini’s. It listed very specific clothing items and maximum ages that should be considered when making that daily decision of what to wear. I was floored. Maybe you are, too. To add insult to injury, I see teen-aged girls wearing half-shirts with rather large tum, tums. So, is it really about age? And truly, is it really about judging others and what they turn out wearing? I may not agree with someone’s attire and the same may hold true when some see me in public, but I truly could care less if someone looks too fat, too old, too pale, too bony for whatever clothes they adorn. Shouldn’t we simply try our best to represent ourselves well and at our best as often as we can? That’s all I ever reminded my children to consider when going out in public. It works for me. But I would hate to offend the masses and it is important to consider local customs.

If that’s the case, I am now too old for sport sneakers, so I’ll keep flip-flops in my workout bag to change into when leaving the gym. I have just met the cutoff for Ugg boots- dammit, that was a wasted purchase this past winter. Knee high boots- that’s a kicker, I cannot stand being cold, so I own at least 20 pair and now I’m obviously disgusting and trying to act like my daughter. No more see-through chiffon blouses, oopsie. Leggings, I guess I had my chance in the 80’s. Now we move on to miniskirts, well how short are we talking? And it’s no longer acceptable to wear a classic ponytail and long hair after our fifties, so I’m guessing my double braids are completely so “helz no”, much less the bikini that is posted on my FaceBook….I’ve probably ruined my family’s reputation and embarrassed future generations. This will be my legacy. Kid’s, she was a crazy rebel, that great-grandmother of yours. I may have embarrassed my mother when she had a dear, longtime friend meet us at her home on the beach.

I didn’t realize I was possibly offending not only my mom, but also her visiting friend as we lay on the beach soaking up the sun while I donned my grey bikini. Oh, the shame. Hey! Wait a minute. Those two women my senior, were wearing bathing suits! They are both over 61. I didn’t realize I, should have been the one outraged that they were wearing bathing suits at all!

Crazy, right? I think these rules are not mine and the Brits can keep them. Anyone have an opinion, the list is posted below. Let me know.

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Categories : Life Coach, Living a full life

Stop It With The Advertising Based Skin Care Advice

14 05 2011

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Eight years of my career, I worked in some facet of technical medical sales. I spent the past six years working in the anti-aging skincare arena, selling scientifically based skin care regimens to plastic surgeons, dermatologists and physician owned spa’s. I found the industry truly exciting since I myself, am aging, highly motivated to look my best and because I was able to learn the details and  nuances various product line’s formulated, the science behind very specific ingredients and the effects on cells. The outcome for years and the message we in the sales force were trying to educate physicians and the public on alike, was the fact that some skin care regimens have been proven to benefit and improve skin on a cellular level. This month, Dr. Michael Gold, an expert skin care industry veteran, was quoted in Dermatology Times ( a well-respected peer-review based professional magazine) that indeed, some OTC products are extremely beneficial to aging skin. Furthermore, some of the best products can be found in smaller, less known companies. The secret is simple, just like we consumers did with food, we must read the labels of ingredients and educate ourselves better.

Figuring out what products work collectively and how to decipher each product’s  scientific claims continues to be the confusing part on the consumer side, due to again, no real regulation of “claims” made by manufacturers. The industry is so loosely regulated by the FDA and OTC customers are subsequently confused and cynical, from decades, if not centuries of unproven products being peddled to the masses with the newest “Fountain of Youth.”

A decade ago, many physician-formulated skin care systems were snubbed by fellow medical evaluators (for a myriad of reasons having little to do with scientific evaluations, I might mention), but finally the data has been clinically evaluated often with significant proof of effective skin care, so we consumer’s can finally feel our monies are being spent on what we’re being sold. Granted, however, consumer’s must know the subtleties and the technical aspects because is marketing, words are so important. What do I mean by that statement? Vitamin C, for example, is proven to be beneficial topically to skin. So every company peddles a Vitamin C product. The questions a consumer should ask are several specifics. What is the specific ingredient of Vitamin C? There are a multitude of Vitamin C ingredients that classify as Vitamin C and not all are created equal.  Also vital, how is the Vitamin C able to penetrate the surface of the skin to actually affect collagen production? Otherwise, a consumer is paying for Vitamin C not realizing that molecularly, it cannot penetrate the stratum corneum to do its work. There’s much too much to understand and the consumer is the one left confused. Ask away, I would love to help any of you out there and begin a dialogue on what works, why it works and issues you might be facing that concern you with your skin. You can trust that I do not gain any favor, money or benefit by discussing this matter or products that I find excellent.

The final step the skin care industry must tackle is to finally convince the public that in order to be effective, skin care must be a routine completed at least once a day and often twice daily. We want easy and we often don’t like spending the dollars to make a true difference. If those two statements ring true for you, then soap, water, moisturizer and sunscreen are for you. The only thing I will say regarding the matter is this, you can listen to whatever professionals say about products. Pro’s and con’s are worth hearing. However, if anyone is selling product for a profit (and you are allowed to ask that question), please consider doing a little research beyond the information you may understand from the person profiting. I was amazed in all my years of selling, how often (not all, please, there are much more practices that are exceedingly knowledgable and honest, so don’t write me with complaints) office staff did not truly understand some of the complexities of a particular product and why it might be better for certain skin condition than another comparatively. So as always, buyer beware, but commit to saving your face and find a product line that works for you.


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Categories : Life Coach, Living a full life

Keep Breathing

12 05 2011

Logo websiteI keep thinking about Maria Shriver, a dear friend, MP, another long-time friend, JB and countless others who have navigated the uncharted waters of recreating a life at a scary yet exciting phase in life. Transition to finding a new career not just an income or a way to obtain healthcare, but a commitment to finding what it is that is important at a stage in life which is full of change and compliments the experience one has lived to date. Or possibly a new committed relationship or ending one. Some may be considering finally facing a fear or childhood experience that has held a soul hostage. Whatever the transition or redefining topic, change is tough. On the flip-side, it is also extremely exhilarating. I find my current situation somewhat like meeting an attractive man who I’m really interested in pursuing and wondering if he feels the same. I have my dream of publishing my book someday, but will publishers or audiences like what I feel I need to share? Because I don’t know the answers to what I fear, I have decided to continue pursuing my wish.

Why not? Various people around the globe gain exposure or a following for all sorts of reasons. The chances for me to be discovered, or appreciated by like-minded individuals, could occur. Exposure happens to some, so my attitude is “why not me?”

But in those moments of self-doubt, the one thing that has kept me going and I have payed-it forward time and time again, came from a very dear guy friend, AP who said, “Just keep breathing.”

When reading those words in his message to me at the onslaught of my divorce, it brought tears to my eyes because breathing was as difficult as smiling, eating, getting out of bed. One would never guess I was the one who filed for divorce. I know, crazy. The fact was I didn’t want a divorce, yet the troubles inside our marriage were finally nearing a breaking point and the last strategic move I felt I had left, was to ask for a divorce and hope that R would wake up and realize what he would lose, what I would lose, what our children would lose, what was really worth changing and fighting to save. It didn’t happen. Breathing, actually was the basic first step.

Concentrating on my breath led to being able to get out of bed, which led to eating more, and so on and so on. So the key to any scary, uncomfortable, anxiety producing worry, is to simply breathe and keep breathing. Thank you AP, you will never likely know how you’ve helped create the girl I am, the girl I am to become and giving me the strength to find the girl from yesteryear that I really liked so well.


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Categories : Building a life post divorce, Life Coach, Living a full life

Educated Women- Reaching Out To Other Women

10 05 2011

Wow! My twenty-two year union dissolving was tougher than I had ever imagined. At times, I thought I wouldn’t be able to survive and redefine who I am. But, with time, I have realized, I will.

Today, however, I am humbled and my heart goes out to another. I did not have to announce the break up my marriage in the public eye, as Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwarzenegger are currently sharing with the world. My “transition” or as I refer to it as a redefining of self, has been the slow progress and development of the writer within due to the encouragement of so many that have pushed me to continue writing. While Maria does not have the same situation in which I find myself, as she is an already proven author, she may however, be struggling like so many of us in our more mature years, in finding a new focus for her life. Time feels more fragile in our 40’s, our 50’s and beyond. We sometimes fret trying to figure out precisely what it is, that is to be and what we want to discard from our self-image from being a partner to a spouse for so long. Time and reflection along with open dialogue are what it takes to hone into what really matters in our heart and nourishes our soul. She, in that respect, is no different from anyone else.

I’m not naive here. I realize and agree that her name recognition may open many doors for her, her previous professional experience is stellar and would likely allow her to consider any of many options that most of us would envy. But understand, she truly is no different from you or me in that she has the heavy burden and obligation to figure out what it is, that she wants to do at this stage in life. Augmenting one’s “title’s” has always been a topic of confusion. We like the rhythm of the way our life flows and we resist change. This is nothing new. But, reaching out and finding support and ideas from others has never been easier due to the internet and social media. Hence, the reason for my blog.

We can all pay a physician to help us or a career counselor to advise us, but often what seems to work best is finding those that have similarly dealt with upheaval, joy and change but did so, gracefully and with great satisfaction. That is why I am blogging. That is why I am here. I have had countless friends, family members, acquaintances, colleagues, professional peers and the like, continuously pushing me to write on how I live my life with the ups and downs I’ve faced, the change that has always defined my life and the manner in which I have always seemed to evolve to be a better person than I was the moment before I embarked on the next issue in life. I think, without sounding arrogant, I have survived remarkably well and am content. But, make no mistake, I am always learning, amending, adding to, deleting, and contemplating various ways in which to handle life’s journey. There are no right or wrong answers when it comes down to the nano particles. Community and experience is what usually works best. How have you faced crisis in your life? Did you ever feel hopeless, scared or lost? Did time and reflection help? It’s an interesting question for this community here.


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Categories : Building a life post divorce, Life Coach, Living a full life

Dancin’ With Myself

4 05 2011

God, I know what it is that I miss from my marriage; dancing. Oh, that’s right, we didn’t dance together. I do, however, miss dancing around my house in my own world or dancing in the seat of my car. My daily dancing and singing ceased after my ex moved his office into our home some years previously, a move that was the major reason our marriage was finally pushed to the brink. But, I’ve always been that dancing girl, singing. Music has played the most pivotal role in my life whether I was dealing with loss, happiness, disappointment, victory, love, anger or whatever my mood at any given time. Once my ex was in my space, day and night, my dancing and singing became non-existent. Even my kids recall mornings driving to school, playing particular songs and us all singing them at the top of our lungs. My kids didn’t know it at the time, but it was designed to put them in a good mood at the start of the day. And it seemed to work, singing mornings usually ended once the car doors opened and each child rolled out of the backseat with backpack swinging out and around their shoulders as they smiled and headed into their classrooms.

One of the most important tasks in the journey post divorce is finding the “new” you or sometimes uncovering the old soul. My initial journey led me to consider dance classes. I needed to learn a new dance discipline: I tried belly dancing. It didn’t take but a few lessons for me to realize it wasn’t my thing. Then I saw and ad for lessons to “pole dance”.  I thought about the Housewives of New Jersey last year. The old Cougar ladies trying to swirl around on the pole, actually acting like they were pretty hot looking and I’d bet most people watching just felt sorry for the old gals. The imagery of that episode made me wince. Oh hell no. But, below the pole dancing ad, was a snippet about Burlesque dance. There we go.

I wouldn’t say I’m the most coordinated of dancers after two lessons. And there’s something to say about costumery, my yoga pants and high heels don’t really fit the mood of the music. But, I’m not dancing for a mate or even a potential lover. I’m dancing for me. One of the most liberating things I’ve done in years is attend these dance classes. It’s my little secret. It’s my thing to re-wire my brain into thinking I’m sexy after years of my ex telling me I wasn’t. It time for me to focus on me and feeling youthful. And if I ever need to consider a different career, maybe I could audition for a dance troop entertaining nursing homes.

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Categories : Building a life post divorce, Life Coach, Living a full life

Childhood Trauma- A Child’s Fair Share

2 05 2011

While the sun is now shining and prom is a memory for my young girlie, it is a reminder that no matter how awful a circumstance in one’s life is or becomes at a given time, life goes on. In less than a week and with more than 300 people dead in our surrounding community due to the record-breaking tornadoes that spun around our valleys and mountains, life appears to be going on as if nothing ever disrupted our days. School for my daughter is back in session. Fund raisers are currently the hot topic, raising monies to help the devastated areas surrounding Georgia, Tennessee and Alabama where I currently reside. People are laughing and strolling along the avenues soaking in the sun, as if life is and has always been, fabulous. And truly, I guess it is fabulous.

Life has its challenges, but all around each sticky circumstance, is the good life we are living at any given moment. I’ve previously mentioned the compliments I continually receive regarding my nearly grown children. And agreed, they are extremely special and wonderful. It was my therapist who encouraged me to write this blog on raising great children renaissance style. But, before I begin discussing anything regarding my kids, one must first understand that they have lived a very charmed life, both of them. Charmed in that they have two parents that love them with every ounce of their beings. They’ve lived abroad as expatriates, they’ve never known hunger pains from lack of nutrients, or wondered if they would have a roof over their heads. But they have had their fair share of set-backs, disappointments, scares and quandaries. We’ve introduced T, my daughter with prom, so now we’ll delve into R, or “the boy” as I have always called him. Upon meeting the boy, one notices his gorgeous, chiseled face and physique. After speaking to him for a few minutes, it’s obvious he’s smart and driven. He will graduate with a BS from a demanding university after only attending for 2 and a half years, a degree that normally takes students 4 and a half years to complete. He is a passionate musician, but fears being a poor musician, hence why he decided to find a degree in the music industry to allow him to move about without starving and still being able to life and breathe in the industry he so loves.

One never notices the sadness that lurks beneath his eyes. Few have ever known his greatest defeats and disappointments. Because he is from a family with means, his ailments were rarely a big deal. So many nights when he would awaken with screams from chronic pain, tears streaming down his sweet, sweaty ten-year old cheeks, few friends of mine or his, even seemed to notice that he was any different from any of the other kids. Yet he was a child suffering from agonizing acute pain from hip dysplasia. He couldn’t get through a night without prescribed narcotics and excruciating pain. But, he lived this life for nearly two years without the sympathy of classmates, teachers or parents. Most nights, my heart broke. Over the years, I witnessed a happy, team-builder type kid slowly morph into a sad, bitter and frustrated child. Pain changes the neuro pathways in the immature brain. R still has many of the side-effects from dealing with the level of pain he experienced as a young boy. It is now who he is as a young man.

He survived the surgery to break his hip in three areas of the pelvis’ radius and he was amazingly successful getting around school and our home in his body cast. A wheelchair and a plastic traveling urinal were his closest friends in fifth grade. Watching kids run past him, forgetting how navigating the elevator and hallways was difficult to traverse alone. But, he rarely complained, he just seemed to take notes. So although he is not known as a social frat guy now, or a politically correct man, he is a motivated, smart and independent young man. A young man who would help a grieving friend, a peer that was trying to come to grips with possibly being gay and worried about how others would deal with it, and he is now a man who would give any human a chance as long as he/she was willing to work hard. He is similar to the typography that surrounds the area in which I live currently. The sun in his heart beams brightly while the ruins in various corners of our neighborhoods resemble his past pains of physical debilitation and the ignorance of his friends from long ago that forgot to consider him at the end of a school day when the bell would ring. Thankfully, most of us end our day here in the midst of the rays of sun and remember there are many who are hurting right now. We don’t run past those who are potentially hurting. As we may have the money or time to help someone in crisis. Even if at times, others have not been there for us or realized maybe we could have used more love and support.

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Categories : children, growing good kids, Life Coach, Parenting

Kamikaze’s- what I’ve learned

1 05 2011

Oh to enjoy the glimpses of the “good times” resurrected from memory banks, while watching my high school daughter and her friends from afar in another room. One of the greatest benefits of my recent divorce is having a home that is complete Estrogen overload. No men roaming the halls, or at least testosterone entered the house sparingly at this point. Girls are free to be girls. Run around the house in pajamas and gossip about all things fashion, shopping, boys, and debate on morals are typical topics here at the P-Household. To glimpse at this group of 15 girls laughing and carrying on is sublime. And to think that five years earlier, about this time of year, I was pulling up to school to find T in tears as a group of girls skulked off. Oh hell no! As I flew out of my SUV with lightening speed and a frown that must have broken through my Botox paralysis, while yelling off into the distance that this was the last day T was going to cry.

My original advice to T was to blow them off. Find some new friends since it was the first year in her new school and everyone was new and searching for a friend group. I told her to tell them she didn’t have to take their mean spiritedness and that she should continue to take up for the down trodden and beam with her joyful sparkle that so many teachers, peers and others continually commented on. She is a truly beautiful soul, very wise beyond her years and intuitive as anyone has ever been.

Days passed and I finally asked her to tell me what she decided to do. She replied with a usual, “Nothing. I ignored what happened and quickly it seemed to be forgotten.” This was a foreign reaction to me, to decide to just drop the subject and avoid the confrontation. Yet, T knew how it would play out. She continued being true to herself. She continued taking up for the less confident girls that would occasionally get ganged up on and she complimented her enemies and kept them close. Sleep overs rarely included her, but she only let it bother her for an hour after school and then she would announce that she was over it and would make the best of her weekend. Slowly, I watched this group of girls, strong leaders and extremely vocal, begin to take note of T and her ways. She was smart, the boys liked her, she sang in a rock band that was invited all over to play, she was stunning with outward beauty and inward kindness, (not that she hasn’t had her moments, please, I’m not naive) but she remained true to herself, regardless of how the girls treated her. And she still longed for their friendship. I couldn’t understand. But, now looking back, I see.

T had lessons to learn and she had many to share with this group of girls, and none of them seemed to even notice what was transpiring slowly. A few years passed and slowly this group became gentler to others in school, less vocal and intimidating and finally they all met in a place of cohesiveness with their entire class, including T. I would say T is now one of the most beloved members of the group. And better yet, she is a friend to most in her school. I have shared with her how I wished I had learned how to be a better friend to my own friends and how I may have lost some friendships due to ego and confrontation. I, too, learned from her. And I have continued learning from the entire group of young women. As I watch them all sitting at a dining table discussing their upcoming Prom and all the topics that go along with Prom, I am forever augmented by retraining myself how to be a better me, a better woman, a better human and a better friend, hopefully. These girls have given to me and I think they find something enriching by knowing me as a person, better, too. My point is, the most glorious part of parenting or nurturing a friendship, is the fact at some point, we gain knowledge we never knew we needed and we may have never been open to receiving previously. Remain open and listen, your kids have something to teach you. And the lessons are often glorious.

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Categories : children, growing good kids, Life Coach, Living a full life, Parenting

Do We Pick Our Futures From Our Pasts?

25 04 2011

I’ve spoken to many male friends lately. And one of the most profound common comments my men friend’s state is how they married the girl they felt would be a great mom and with whom they shared chemistry. But, I probed further with each man guy-friend and asked if these women were the love’s of their lives and I was completely shocked how many said at the time they thought their wives were their greatest loves, but that in hindsight, they were more the best candidate for their offspring. The worst bit of that information was having to acknowledge myself, that quite possibly, this was my own marriage.

After noticing my ex’s email dialogue between he and his “girlfriend” from college, which occurred as our marriage was falling apart, he spoke to her like she was the mind-blowing sexual soul mate of his life because of their wild sexual past. She was the “nasty” girl he had always wanted and desired in the bedroom. I was the frigid witch wife, I guess. However, the truth is, I am the girl who desired to “bring it” to the bedroom, he just wasn’t aware and had forgotten that aspect of me. After the kids were nearly grown, maybe, he was finished using me for what he needed in life. And the memory of the sexual partner I was or wanted to be was buried beneath the years of disrespect and resentment.

Being the woman selected to be the mother of “his” children means, however, I am mom to two of the greatest kids on earth. So there is no regret of the marriage, the time spent nurturing the home and everyone in it, the career that evaporated or the loss of my prime years to achieve the unknown possibilities of the world I could have created. I have zero regret.

My years of counseling have shown me and demonstrated that my life in all actuality, has been über beautiful and grand. My psychologist has remarked that my children are some of the most incredible beings she’s had the pleasure to counsel. And I cannot argue that fact. I have a lovely, nearly grown son and an incredible daughter almost ready to fly the nest. Two kids that have met the world with many challenges, heartache, blessings and love of life. It was this family therapist that suggested I begin this blog to help others grow great children. This will be this week’s topics, on the way back to happy. Join me!Logo website


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Categories : Building a life post divorce, children, growing good kids, Life Coach, Living a full life, New Category, Parenting

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