On The Way To Happy

Almost immediately after my divorce was final, I could feel the giddiness in the pit of my stomach when thinking of the new reawakened world of dating again. I love getting out. I think dating is so much fun. Or at least that’s what I recalled from my youth. I can talk someone’s leg off, hence why I write.

This dating thing, however, is a whole different world today than what I recall from my younger days. I was THAT only girl in my circle of friends who would constantly say, “I love dating!” Even a flop of a date, I thoroughly enjoyed. Enjoyed because I truly liked getting to know others, what makes them tick and the art of listening and laughing was fun. Well, I can officially say that the idea of all that was for the younger girl I once knew. So on the way to find the girl who was lost long ago in a controlling marriage, and a few tough snags since my divorce, the dating game is one activity that will not be a big part of my repertoire. I thought for the last year I wanted to actively find that best friend, but now I just want to sit back and focus on my career path and allow the path of love and or life to unfold before me according to the plan: God’s plan, my belief, or the Universe’s course, whatever you relate to, but the way I am to live this life.

Why the change in the past two decades? I sat down to think in detail and this is what has changed from the Happy girl who was once in her twenties and who has now been bottled and set in the dark atop a shelf for aging and depth development. I suspect my optimal drinking years begin somewhere between 2011-2020, after that I think if I’m still dusty on the shelf, I’ll be past my best friend prime and I’ll focus on philanthropic matters of the heart. Nice wine analogy. But, I adore my red wine. And a wine a little past its prime, still has use, just not to sip for pleasure.

Here’s what I know about the older vintage chick versus the fresh table wine of yesteryear:

* I love being a mate. Best friend. The only other people who would mean as much would be my kids and mother. Post-divorce, many candidates are often jaded, never getting married again and walls are already up before the band ever plays the first song, or potential mates are still living their unsatisfying lives and not able to move on for whatever reason, even though often the reasons are significant and involve children, finances and history. This is not gender specific, plenty of women have the same issues.

*I’m over my divorce. I don’t often want to discuss my ex or spend time on bad blood between us. It’s behind me and I wish him…… peace. Yea, that’s it.

* No longer, do I enjoy the party scene, never was into weed and still don’t want it around me, tired of the scene of indulgence and over-imbibing or talking smack as an entertaining topic on ex’s or ex’s past infractions. I’ve resolved my issues, only a few still exist and I married him. It was good and it was bad. But, I don’t want to spend one-second discussing it publicly when the theme is laughter. There are plenty of real topics to discuss and laughter is my goal. I’ll wait to attend those fun uplifting party’s.

* Because I am an easy person with whom others feel they can talk….I often seem to attract people who are conflicted inside their current relationships. Find me when you’re really ready to reach out. I want to be a comforting, loving best friend. I want be a shoulder on which to lean occasionally, but friends, fix your relationships. Accept them in their current definitions and move forward to begin living with support, happiness and building a new history, sharing passions each day and bringing laughter back into your life. Life is so serious, so why not let go and try to love more by moving on when things can’t be repaired?

A recent study indicates that men struggle at ending a relationship which is unfulfilled. Seriously? Life has too much to offer to suffer terribly for years and years when a partner or both mates will not fix the relationship and provide joy to the other. Love is sacrifice and sometimes painful, but to lose yourself and to be void of essential affection, is death on earth. Value yourself more than to settle and show your children that everyone deserves and needs love, touch and contentment. Besides, there is someone out there wishing you would be theirs. And the love you could gain may change your entire life beyond anything you ever imagined.

But it is so daunting to get to the other side of joy. It’s a one-step at a time struggle. I should be more kind in my delivery.

However, because it’s a jungle out there, I’m staying home. There are other options connecting with available men out in the world. I’ll investigate those options. My list of dreams are simple: I’m seeking huge amounts of joy and great passion with a man who adores me if he exists and I desire to share our hobbies, sports and passions. I’m patient which I guess is a good thing.

Those of you who have navigated these waters, give us newbies some insight. Consider at least, sharing some funny stories or unique prospective thoughts regarding this chapter in life.

So, a stored wine I am to be, between all the prized collectible bottles and vintages perched on the top shelf up high. Until the right aficionado comes along and sees this rare bottle waiting to tickle the palate of those that appreciate the complexities and depth of the Happy girl who once was a delicate, fruity wine out of the barrel, but now has developed a myriad of character, a smooth finish and emits a bright summer, lasting note on the palate.

Dammit, how long on this shelf? Bug-gar! Oh well, I guess I’m still too tannic, quite possibly. It’s not my time.

The affects on children, now let’s really talk.